THE MS TEST

So there’s an online community that I’ve been a part of for just over a year, and it’s made up of folks who have a bunch of holes in their brain. (They also have MS. Somehow that seems relevant…)

Anyhoo, a thread was begun a few days ago by a person who was despondent over having scheduled her “Dial-A-Ride” for a time that made no sense for what she was doing that day, and she titled the thread, “You Know You Have MS…”. What followed were a string of responses regarding other people’s personal experience with the MyStery disease, and most of them were pretty darned funny (especially my own).

This reminded me of another website I had seen before with a page entitled “You Know You Have Lupus (or an Invisible Disease) When…” with a similar bent to it; an open-ended sentence with many different possible endings.

So, I’ve chosen a healthy sampling of those comments that I feel best describe the MS lifestyle. I hope no one objects to my re-printing/re-wording of their brilliance… and if they do, well, they know where to find me and whom to threaten.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MS…

…if no one will even offer you a penny for your thoughts.

…when comments that were supposed to be only in your mind are clearly made in your “outside voice.”

…when every time you see “Survivor Micronesia” you see “Survivor Minnesota”.

…when you have a multi-step plan for getting out of the shower.

…when “Charades” isn’t just a game, its how you communicate.

…when “Numb Nuts” isn’t just your nick name, it’s a fact of life.

…when you wear out the tops of your shoes before the soles.

…when you think you may be able to get a grant from the Ministry of Silly Walks.

…when you are FAR better at landing safely than walking correctly.

…when you get pulled over for drunk driving with out having a single drink.

…when you no longer find the phrase “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” even remotely humorous.

…when someone walks in the room, and your first thought is “Where’s their walking stick?”

…when you go to stretch your legs upon waking in the morning, and the bed frame collapses from the vibration.

…when there are shoulder-high grey stripes along the walls of your hallway from where you put your hand to steady yourself.

…when you don’t answer the vibrating cell phone in your pants pocket because you thought it was just your leg buzzing.

…when you put your phone in your bra because you have no pockets, and you can’t feel the vibration or hear the ringing.

…if you’re really sick of hearing the phrase, “But You Look So Good!”

…when your mental health therapist asks if you’ve ever heard of or tried bee sting therapy.

…when every 4th person you MEET asks if you’ve ever heard of or tried bee sting therapy.

…when the kids across the street keep coming over asking you to shake up their bottles of chocolate milk for them.

…when you make a grocery list so you wont forget anything, and then forget where you put the list.

…when tying your sneaker laces seems like punishment.

…when you go to the store to buy something specific… buy the whole store.. and forget the one thing you went for in the first place.

…when you’ve told people “Good Morning” in the afternoon so often they’ve stopped correcting you.

…when you’ve searched for your glasses for 10 minutes upon waking, only to realize that they’re still on your face from last night.

…when the food delivery driver shows up at the door and compliments you on your new pajamas!

…when someone asks you “What happened”, and in response to your confusion, points to a bruise that you didn’t even know you had.

…if, when Mother Nature calls, you can’t afford to have your secretary take a message.