…that I’ve been on the placebo.

I’m not the only one who’s noticing a change in me over the last month or so. It’s been very gradual, but I can tell that it’s not just the heat that’s making me so tired and making my hands get weaker by the end of the gig. Something has been sneaking up on me and making things worse… and my best guess is that it’s a new relapse.

Now if I could only get ahold of the folks from Alpine – we’ve been playing email and phone tag for a few days. I’m sure they’re not ignoring me – lots going on, and a few messages back and forth were garbled – but it’s definitely time to have someone give me the once-over and see what’s up.

If things go the way I hope, they’ll put me on Rebif at no cost to me. Good thing, too – the CRAB drugs can cost as much as a mortgage and then some (sometimes upwards of $1500-2000/mo). Sounds weird hoping that they’ll put me on a drug I have to inject 3 times a week and that may make me feel nauseous, but so far what I HAVE been doing just ain’t working.

I’m resting for the night (even though I have about 5 calls to make, and I ought to get right to them), so hopefully I’ll be okay for the next two days (studio work – hooray!). We’ll see.

There’s a half full glass of beer on the floor about 3 feet away. I don’t even know if I have the energy to get up and grab it. Every time I reach out to grab things, some of my muscles seem to work in reverse – it’s as if part of me doesn’t want to make the motion I’m trying to do.

And this is BEER we’re talking about – not a glass of water, or even a wad of cash, but BEER.

That’s how bad things are getting. So it’s time.

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